Taking Multi-Vitamins

Autism Community Connection=

Autismcc Yahoo Group Responds!

Our group is comprised of parents, educators and professionals in the autism community.<= span style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> We welcome parents to ask question= s so that together we may share our wealth of collected knowledge and insight.

www.autismcommunityconnec= tion.com - http://health.= groups.yahoo.com/group/autismcc/

Topic: Feeling Overwhelmed

Here are just some of the feelings that we as parents have gone through:

“My life is just so hard.”

“Our family doesn’t understand.”

“My spouse doesn’t help enough.”

“I have no support system.”

“My marriage is falling apart.”

“I feel so alone.”

Advice from parents:

“My husband & I took turns 'falling apart' and dealing with the diagnoses, too. At first I thoug= ht this really sucked as I 'went first' and delved into autism world 101 with a fever. Looking back, there WAS a positive side to us processing it at different times. He was 'there' for the kids, being good ol' Dad, sam= e as usual, while I was a maniac. Had both of us been like I was at the sa= me time, I think our family would have suffered more (if that makes sense.) My husband maintained our 'family routines' while I was glued to my computer d= ay and night, searching for answers and crying.”

“What's worse than seeing your children struggling and feeling like you don't know what to do? This = IS hard, and it's probably never going to make 'sense' to any of us. But your kids WILL make progress and you will learn more effective ways to enga= ge them along with your other kids. It might take some time for you to f= eel a bit more control and confidence, but you'll get there. Give yoursel= f a break! You're new at this!!”

“When we first got the diagno= sis, the way my husband and family handled it was as though there'd been a death= in the family, everyone took a vote on who would attend the funeral to represe= nt 'the family' and to grieve...and I was the one elected to do that! Everyone else seemed to go on with their regular daily lives, while my world seemed to crumble around me. Suddenly everyone seemed to be loo= king to me for answers, ideas, strategies, etc. when all I wanted was for someone to tell me what to do. It's a lot of responsibility when there's so much pain mixed in with the sense of urgency= so many parents have about getting services etc. So I know what you mean about needing your load lightened. Thing is, I think in hindsight tha= t WE are the only people who have the power to lighten our own loads, if that ma= kes any sense. Because it is US that needs to give OURSELVES the 'breaks'= or to not beat up on ourselves so much when things aren't going quite right.&n= bsp; We moms need to be able to say, 'enough for today' and try to compartmental= ize our lives/brains in the way that our spouses/men seem to be able to do. Once in awhile we need to let ourselves off the hook and tak= e a break from autism.”

“Try to hang on. I can not imagine all you are going through. I only have one

child who is on the spectrum, and m= any times felt as you did. I do k= now ever since I did find the ACC group, that it has been easier. The people whom you will meet have= all been where you are at now. If= you do need help, this is the forum to ask. Many of the women who wrote to you, have been very helpful to me. They took it upon themselves to offer help, advice, support...that no words could ever express my graditude. Keep in touch here and they will g= uide you, and you will never be alone.”

“I remember after our son was diagnosed it took about a year and a half for our

family to understand autism. At fir= st my parents considered it a discipline issue—that we were too lenient. It's easy to get discouraged. I like to think that the worst comments a relative can make are merely misguided attempts at wanting to be helpful. T= hey want to offer advice, but how can they? I'm sure distant relatives especial= ly feel like they are walking on eggshells with our families. Some may feel gu= ilty talking about their kids’ accomplishments because we have a child wit= h a disability. They may just not even talk about autism because they are uncomfortable and don't know if it will upset us. Regardless, at family gatherings autism will always be that big elephant in the room until we help demystify it for our relatives.

For those family members that you a= re close with, don't be afraid to talk about

your kids' progress in therapy and = at school. Be frank with people that you don't want them to feel uncomfortable asking questions. Put away the attitude with rude relatives no matter how m= uch you may want to bring it out. Most important, help your relatives interact = with your child. This can be done in subtle ways.

"Oh ________ really loved our = trip to Disney World. If you ask h= im he'll tell you all about it."

"___________ has a hard time answering those kinds of questions. If you give him a choice or make it a y= es or no question, he'll be able to answer."

"_______ really loves to be chased. Why don't you tell him and see if he'll play."

"When ________ makes those sou= nds he's really excited but can't put it into words."

The more you can put your family at ease with autism, the more comfortable you

will feel attending family gatherings.”

“Autism sucks. It sucks rocks. There is a quote attributed to Mother Teresa--I've seen = it on a plaque and I swear the next time I see it, I'm buying it--it goes something like, "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle.&nbs= p; I just wish He didn't trust me so much". If a veritable SAINT felt overwhelmed at times, ordinary Moms like you and me are allowed to as well.

Here are a few things to think about:

Your husband WILL "get it" in his own time--it will become more and more obvious. Give = him time. He may be grieving for what he knows in his heart--don't push h= im.

We all feel "blue" at times--we long for that perfect family we dreamed of. Right now it's overwhelming. As the years go on, it will be better because you will = have developed strategies to cope. We have wonderful traditions our family has adapted because of our so= n--and they have evolved. Don't try for "perfect', try for nice and meaningful to YOU and your family.”

“I just wanted to add my voic= e to those saying "hang in there" and there are people to talk to (lik= e on this board!) People who haven't experienced this, well-meaning though they might be, usually can't offer much help.&n= bsp; Take it one day at a time. Don't be shy about getting help for yours= elf if you need it - I spent too long severely depressed before finally getting help and now I'm on medication that

helps a lot. I'm not saying that's = the answer for everyone, obviously, but if you need that kind of help, get it.<= span style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> Period. It's like putting the air mask on yourself before you put it on your child--you can't take care of anyone els= e if you're not able to breathe yourself.