The Holidays, Autism and Leo Tolstoy

The Holi= days, Autism and Tolstoy

December 2006

by<= /span> Dawn Villarreal

Autism Community Connection

http://health.group= s.yahoo.com/group/autismcc/

The holidays bring us, as well as our children, some unneeded stress. Strange environments when we visit relatives’ homes, unstructured time off from school and holiday expectations has the potential to cause a lot of turmoil. Especially for the newly diagnosed family, the holidays sometimes can just be a real bummer.=

I’m here to say, take a deep breath and let it all out. We have all been down this road. We are here for you. If you are fee= ling stressed feel free to vent here.&nb= sp; If you are feeling lost, tell us and we can help you find your way again. Let’s all hold e= ach other up. This is why this gr= oup is here.

I remember how difficult those first few holidays were after my son’s diagnosis. He stimmed at the Christmas lights and hand flapped over the train that chugged around the tree. He made weird sounds th= at no other kid made. He had zero interest in opening presents and just paced around while others lit up over their gifts. My own holiday expectations, my worry over what my family/friends thought and my grief tha= t my son couldn’t partake in the joy of Christmas were a heavy coat I put = on each year.

Once again I had focused on the autism and not on my son.

I learned to look at Christmas from my son’s perspective. Perhaps my son didn’t care a= bout the presents but I learned that he loved to look at the ornaments. And it became a big deal to bring = out the ornament boxes and look at them. And once we taught him how to hang them on the tree, then that became the most exciting thing. So w= hat if they were all hanging in one spot and I had to rearrange later. If playing with the Christmas trai= n all night gives him joy, then that’s the best present for him, not the ones wrapped up.&= nbsp; We opened those for him at his leisure and if he wanted to stop and = play with one instead of opening up the rest, then so be it.

And with time, other traditions fell into place. His pre-school gave us picture cue= s for the holidays and opening presents. While he still didn’t get excited about opening presents, he w= as excited to follow the sequence of those picture cards. He learned to unwrap his presents.= He started to pay attention to wha= t he was opening. Now we get big s= miles from him when he sees a present he likes.&= nbsp; He is 8 now. While San= ta was just some guy before, he is now a super big deal to meet. He thrills to know that Santa will always come Christmas Eve and will always leave him presents. He created his own routine of what Christmas means to him.

There is a great children’s book called The Three Questions by Jon Muth and based on a story by Tolstoy. = It is the story of a boy who wants to know what is important in life. Nikolai says, “If only I cou= ld find the answers to my three questions, then I would always know what to do. When is the best time to = do things? Who is the most impor= tant one? What is the right thing = to do?”

Nikolai goes on an adventure and his questions are answered by a wise turtle. “Remember that there is only one important time, and that is now. The most important one is always t= he one you are with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these are the answers to what = is most important in the world. = This is why we are here.”

During all the events, family get-togethers and activities planned in the coming <= span class=3DGramE>weeks, take a step back and reflect that the most impo= rtant time is the moment you are in right now, the most important one is your chi= ld and the most important thing is to do good by your child. Take off that coat of stress and h= ang it in the closet because the rest is not important.